This picture was posted by one of my volunteers on our post natal Facebook page. It immediately spoke to me as this is something that I have struggled with for many years.
When I became a mum it wasn’t the responsibility as such that I struggled with more the loss of self. I am a very independent individual and before becoming a mum would basically come and go as I pleased. I had a job in retail as a manager and although was challenging and demanding I enjoyed every minute of it. The only problem was that I lived and breathed the company that I worked for, wasn’t a problem until I got to age when I wanted to start a family, so when redundancies were offered I took it as I knew I would never be able to be a mum and work in retail.
I then went on to have 2 children within 18 months. My son was very ill when born and was in hospital for 6 weeks before he came home. I then had 2 under 18 months and my son was still quite ill and very demanding. I found this period very challenging very claustrophobic. I had been so independent with a job with lots of responsibility and great social life. To hardly ever going out because it was too much like hard work!!
Lucky for me I then went on to do my counselling degree where I felt fully supported by my group and was able to explore the loss I had encountered. I even wrote my loss/grief assignment on loss of self, as I began to realise that I had not come to terms with the loss of “old me” and loss of my job. I’m exploring this in personal counselling sessions and within my group I began to come terms with what had taken place and slowly began to build a new life for myself (which included a having another baby!!)
At the moment I feel I am going through a similar stage again, I went to a concert recently and went out in the day and actually managed to stay out after the concert, I could have stayed there for weeks!! I loved it!! I kept thinking this is me, the real me!! I am still in that frame of mind and trying to get my balance right to suit me, all work and no play as they say!!
In my counselling room most clients that I work with describe that they are searching for their “old self”, this “old self” being before a traumatic event, before becoming a parent, before responsibility hit them. Working through past events helps them to reconnect themselves to who they used to be. However we they realise that part of them will never be same again. Experiences change who we are, they help us grow long term, but short term it can be a battle. The counselling room provides a safe place to explore the past, present and future self. I love watching clients move through the stages and get to point that they are happy with the “new them”. They have time to explore who they are ad who they want to be and what they need to do to get their.
Actually quite an exciting place to be!